Ano pa ba ang bago kundi puro kadramahan lang naman laman ng blog kong to.

madami akong pinagsisihan sa mga bagay na nangyari sa buhay ko. sobrang daming planong hindi sang-ayon dun sa time frame na ginawa ko sa sarili.

Napapaisip nga ako madalas kung ano sana ang buhay ko ngayon kung di ako nagkaganito. No, hindi ko naman pinagsisisihan na magkakaanak nako. Pinagsisisihan ko lang kung bakit sya pa naging ama ng anak ko. Isa syang walang kwentang tao. Bitter? Siguro nga. Sa una pa lang kasi alam ko na na ganito mangyayari. Di nya aakuin ang responsibilidad dahil may iba siyang mahal. Ok lang naman sana yun eh kung di nya na ako pinaasa. Hindi nya naman siguro sadyang paasahin ako pero ganun ang nangyari eh. Sabagay, hindi naman ito ang magiging katapusan ng buhay ko. Sisikapin ko bigyan ng magandang buhay ang anak ko kahit wala sya.

Ngayon lang nag sink-in saken na talagang mahirap tong napasukan ko but Im not giving up. :D

June, July, and August finally came. Aug 7 was the last time I saw you. And I say, last, coz Im sure it's gonna be the last.

I hoped for the best yet nothing came. I just have to accept this and move on with life. It really hurts and makes me cry day in and day out. I wanna be mad but I just can't.

But I dont wanna cry no more because of AZ.

get ready my hanky. it's almost crying time. though i still don't wanna think about how close this thing will come to an end. i wanna cherish my moments with you until the end. yes, i will shed tears for sure but i am ready for it.

right now, i just wanna be happy... until august 5 comes.

Ayokong maging affected pero sa ngayon ganun nga ang nangyayari kahit di ko man aminin. Alam ko namang wala naman patutunguhan to pero gusto ko lang maging masaya habang andito ako sa bansang ito. Sa umpisa di ko inasahang magiging ganito ang lahat. Pinilit kong maging tapat sa bf ko ngunit sadyang may mga bagay lang sigurong kahit ipilit mo ay di talaga mangyayari.

Masaya at malungkot din ang setup na ganito. Masaya dahil nakakagaan ng trabaho pag alam mong kasama mo sya sa work. Makakakwentuhan o kahit kaasaran. Masaya din ako sa pakiramdam na may "inaalagaan". Sabi nga dati ng mga kaibigan ko "motherly instinct". hehe. Masarap ang pakiramdam na you take care of somebody and somebody's taking  care of you in return.

Malungkot at masakit ang pakiramdam na nahulog ka na sa taong sa una pa lang ay sinabihan ka ng wag kang mahulog sa kanya ngunit dahil sa di maiwasang pagkakataon ay nahulog ka pa rin sa kanya kahit anumang pigil mo sa nararamdaman mo. Wala ka nang magagawa dahil ang tinitibok ng puso mo ay siya at wala ng iba. At sa araw-araw na kasama mo sya ay dinadalangin mong ganun din sya sa iyo. Na sa bawat pagkakataong magkasama kayo gusto mong sabihin sa kanya na mahal mo siya ngunit andun yung takot na baka mag-iba na ang pakikitungo nya sa iyo oras na sinabi mo sa kanya ang mga katagang iyon. Alam mong masakit at gusto mong umiyak ngunit tila ata unan lang ang sasksi sa mga luhang iyon. Panu ba naman at wala kang magagawa dahil sa umpisa pa lang ay alam mo ng  may mahal syang iba at wala ng hihigit pa sa pagmamahal nya sa babaeng iyon. Nasabi ko tuloy sa loob-loob ko na napakaswerte ng babaeng iyon at sanay marealize nya ito.

Sa konting oras na natitira dito sa jacksonville, pipilitin kong maging masaya at wag na munang isipin ang bukas. Pero dinadalangin ko din na sana ay bigyan ako ng Diyos ng lakas ng loob para sabihin sa kanya ang aking tunay na nararamdaman.

tagal ko ng di nakapag-update ng blog ko.. a lot of things has happened during my five months of stay here in jacksonville.

gusto ko sana magsulat ngayon at ishare naman ang buhay ko dito pero parang nawala na ata ako sa mood... next time nalang ulit. haha.

hay! wtf!

Sana di magkatotoo. magbibigti talaga ako!

lecheng jacksonville to! mababaliw ata ako dito.

november's almost over and i havent written a single entry in my blog.

this month has certainly come and passed so quickly. nothing much has happened to me. it's just the same thing over and over again.

all i can think of this month was our trip to St. Augustine on the 2nd friday of november.

we went around the nation's oldest city the whole day.  we also visited potter's wax museum and ripley's believe it or not. i have some photos uploaded in my friendster, multiply and facebook accounts. it was really fun.

then there's marlon.. i bought him a 3-in-1 gift (xmas, new year and bday), a nice fossil watch. i got it for only $81.00 from ebay. i shipped it thru fedex last monday and the shipping cost was $89.50. it was even more expensive than the watch itself! i hope he'll like it.

i had my first haircut in america at hair cuttery two weeks ago. i didnt know that haircut costs $15 here and i would have to pay extra $6 for blowdry.

on the 21st, i went out with some of my friends and watched movie at tinseltown. it was twilight's first day screening. i was a disappointed with the movie though.. i even regret watching it instead of quantum of solace. well, it was already done.. bye bye to my $10 and some cents.

tomorrow's already thanksgiving day! our "foster parents" will pick us up at our apartment for late lunch celebration.

then it's black friday after thanksgiving... a big sale's happening nationwide. :D

have to go back to prime outlets at st augustine to buy a fossil bag for yaichi-kun on sat.

It's getting cold here in Jacsonville which makes waking up in the mornings so difficult. Even with shirt, sweatshirt, jacket, gloves, bonnet and socks on, I can still feel the coldness of the weather.

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At work:

Work for me now is a lot more easier than when I first started. I'm now getting used to it.

This weekend is florida-georgia football game. The hotel has 100% occupancy rate because of this event and that means we have a lot of work to do.

And by the way, last weekend, Mr. Obama checked-in at the hotel and just as he left, Mr. McCain's wife checked-in too. The hotel was surrounded by police which had other guests wondered who was in the house.

Also, there is this fil-am guy at work that I sort of like. I admire him and consider him as my crush in the hotel. You know, just so I have someone to make me "kilig" at work. Something to look forward to weekday at work. (He's off during weekends.) He's the bibo kind of guy.. and very charming.. But he accuses me of being rude and mean to him because according to him, I don't like him.. haha.. if he only knows... which I think is now known to him since yesterday my roommate told him that I like him!!! anyway, we're still friends I think.

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School:

Since I wanted to do something other than work here in Florida, I scouted for a possible school where I can take up few units for MBA. Last Tuesday, I went to Keiser University and inquired about their program. Vanessa Robinsons, the admission consultant, interviewed me for almost two hours. She was so kind to give me details of the program and referred me to a grade evaluator to have my transcript evaluated to determine if they can consider me in the program. Though when our meeting concluded, enrolling in their university is so impossible. It would cost me $7500 per semester to get into the program and I wouldn't be entitled to any financial aid from the state because I am not a citizen here nor do I have a resident alien card which are the primary requirements. So now, the only way to get into their university is to pay the whole amount per semester!

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Lovelife:

I miss my boyfriend so bad. We talk every day on the phone and constantly exchange messages but it isn't the same as seeing him and talking to him in person.

He named my laptop, "part".

He is now at their home in Cotabato spending his short sembreak. He'll have his ojt in General Santos starting this coming Monday. Good thing that he didn't choose Davao because his ex-gf is studying at AdDU where he used to study before he joined PNPA. Just the thought of him being in Davao and the possibility of them meeting up make me insecure and jealous.

I love him so much! hehehe.