my third blog - my first entry
this is my first time to make a blog entry
just wond'ring why people get so addicted to this thing...web logs or weblogs...
i wanna find it out myself...first hand info is better than hand-me-downs...i'm making a paper bout this blog addiction stuff...
better make it before deadline

Oh my gosh!!!
Oh my gosh!!!

I woke up early in the morning and found myself uttering the word, Oh my gosh!!!

But what else can I say?

Oh my gosh and nothing else.

I had my alarm clock set at 2:30 am yet I didn't hear it ring.

Oh my gosh, I overslept.

Now, I need to cram.

I have an exam and I need to cram this whole damn thing.

I have a class at 10am and yet here I am, it's 10:45.

I have a class at 1pm but I have already decided to skip classes.

I need to cram.

I need to pass this exam.

I want to graduate with honors.

Well, it isn't bad to dream, right?

why does the earth revolve around the sun?

why do they say that the sun rises from the east?

why are we here on this world?

why do we have to die?

why do people care?

why do people fall in love?

why does a person fall for a friend?

why am i in love?

hay...

i don't know how it happened.

i just woke up one morning and realized that i was thinking of him.

in fact, i was dreaming of him.

am i in love?

but no, this shouldn't happen...

i have a boyfriend...

but how could i stop this feeling?

we're friends...and i don't want to ruin our friendship

help! i need some help

i need to stop this before things get worse.

I'm in love. I know that for a fact. I can't deny it anymore. I can't deny this feeling for long. I now acknowledge the love I have. But I still wish I am not in love...

Valentine's Day is just around the corner.

I'm missing someone I haven't seen for such a long time. He used to be with me during these times before. And now, It's so difficult to accept that it's almost one year since the last time I saw him. I can't take it any longer. I need to see him before February ends. My days wouldn't be as happy without him by my side.

Sometimes I wish people wouldn't grow up.
Sometimes I wish they remain the same.
Sometimes I wish to turn back time.
Sometimes I wish I don't know him.
Sometimes I wish I'm older than I really am.

thinking...isip-isip...nakatulala...nag-iisip...nakatingala...tingin sa taas...baka may butiki...isip-isip...buntung-hininga...isip...ano ba talaga? walang maisip...titig sa monitor...ano kaya? isip ulit...walang laman ang isip...namuti ang mata..isip pa rin...hikab...isip ulit...tigil...isip ulit...lingon-lingon...walang makita...isip ulit...(isip pa rin)

february 12, 2005.

I woke up earlier than the sun did.
I said "hello" to the great day ahead of me.
I took a bath.
I read my notes and reviewed for my exam on monday.
I stared at the computer and chatted for a while.
I posted an entry on my blog.
I checked my friendster, hi5, and myspace accounts.
I checked my yahoo accounts, postmaster, gmail and hotmail accounts too.
I had a meeting at around 10 am.
I went to Kalai and visited my room before. Oh..how i miss the kalai days.
I talked to the new resident...gosh, she's from davao!
I roamed around the dormitory.
11:30 am..."shit!!! I almost forgot my class at 1pm".
I left my friends and went back to Molave.
I got my things ready.
I walked alone from Molave to Ilang.
I texted and texted and texted along the way.
It was my first time to set foot on Ilang.
I looked for my friends. I found them!
I chatted and chatted and ate and chatted and drank.
Oooh my gosh...it was already 1pm.
I bid goodbye to my friends and hurried to my class.

At the jeepney stop...
Shit! where were all those jeepneys gone?
I was almost late.
At last, a Katipunan jeepney arrived.
"Mama, bayad po"
The woman right next to me: " Uy!"
Me: "Uy hello din po!" (sino nga ba 'to?)
Woman: Sa'n ka ba? HRA ka pa rin?
Me: (ahh, yeah..she was Ma'am Timy!!! my teacher before in HRIM 100)..."yup! Kayo po? nasa CCA pa rin po ba kau?"
WOman: "oo"
Me: "ay, nasa Vinzons na, mauna na po ako..."
Woman: "sige, ingat"

I walked hurriedly towards our college.
I saw no one at the tambayan.
Ohh my God, I was already late.

Inside the building...
Classmate: "uy, la taung class?"
Me: "Ha? I don't know..."
Classmate: "Wla sila dito e..wala din si ma'am"
Me: "okay..."

Bad trip!!! I left all my friends and hurriedly headed for my class..only to find out that we didn't have a class.
I went back to Ilang. Unfortunately, my friends weren't there anymore. It took me almost 15 minutes before I spotted my friend's sis.
At last, I was with them again.
I played games on the pc...hangaroo, pacman, and who wants to be a millionaire?...
I was on the one million dollar question... at last after so many games and losses, I was on the last question.
Googol, centillion,... I clicked on googol.
.......tantaran....
huhuhu....nah, the correct answer was centillion!!! My heart was shattered into pieces..joke...
But. honestly, I was so disappointed. I didn't make it. I didn't win..

3 pm...
My friends were already at the garden. They were busy talking. I joined the group and chatted with them. We thought of a game to play.
"tagu-taguan, maliwanag ang buwan..."
I ran to hide at the back of a "hut?"
I crawled under the table.
after 3 minutes or so...I was caught...hahaha...
Okay...

The game was over...we played another game...a slipper game!!!
I didn't hit the slipper on my first attempt.
Neither on my second attempt.
On my third? Yeah, I hit it!!!
It landed right in front of me...haha...
Okay fine...

At 6pm, I together with my friends ascended to the moon deck or better yet, Moon dick?

When the day was over and the moon got its turn to shine, we walked to Narra residence hall. We stayed there till 9pm. The eight of had some kind of a bonding activity. Some secrets were shared and a lot of things were told.

We ate at the famous "STARBACK". It was my first time to eat there...

It was already 10pm? I wasn't really sure of the time. I certainly had a great day and night. We walked to the Admissions office to check the UPCAT results. The guard upon seeing us shouted, " Wala pa". Okay, so the results weren't released yet...

Final destination: 10:15 pm... Molave Residence Hall
Time to go home. We accompanied our friend to their dormitory.
Then, another friend left us.
I was the only female in the group left...
After the long walk we had, at last we reached our final destination for the night...Our Dorm Sweet Dorm!!! Molave REsidence hall.
Okay...we said our goodnights and separated ways.

My roommates and I watched "CLUELESS".
Just like the girl in the movie I realized I was clueless too.

I won't tell you what it is all about..but that's what I can say...I was and still am CLUELESS.

aral na ako...ayoko na ng mababang grade..dapat grumadweyt ng suma cum laude!!! AS IF!!! malay mo diba?

My afternoon's a great mess! I was so unprepared for my Stat 101 exam. I took it and know for a certain that I would flunk. I didn't study the other night and yet there I was, so confident that I could answer all the questions. When the teacher gave us the test papers, I stared at it and wished that turning back time was possible. It was a hopeless case.

Time was running fast.. I forgot all the formulas.. I forgot how to solve the problems. The cool and gentle wind was blowing on my skin. I felt my cold palms and rubbed them together and noticed how shaky they were...

Didn't I tell you that I wanna graduate suma cum laude?
Didn't I promise myself to achieve that dream of mine?

Yeah..right..there were so many days and nights that I kept on dreaming that dream of mine.

I can even see myself standing on stage with all the lights focused on me. Medals are hanging on my neck..and there are so many of them that I could not even count them all!!! Other graduates will then look at me with envy clearly showing on their eyes and parents will wish their child to be just like me. My mom and dad will be so proud of me. My sibs, cousins and relatives will be as proud as my parents too.

It was like yesterday when that dream seemed to be so vivid in my head. But now, I can hardly see it. No shadows, no silhoutte or whatsoever.
The only thing I see is myself taking an uncertain path.

Galing kami sa fair kagabi. You know, fair... dumating kami sa dorm madaling araw na. As in, it was 4 am!!! Tsaka, naalala ko may concept paper pa pala akong due on friday and kahit 1st draft ay di ko pa nagagawa. Ano ba namang buhay to? Hindi lang iyon, I have to attend pa pala a coffee seminar sa makati at 10 am. Pero anyways, nag-enjoy naman ako sa fair. Kaya iyon, bangag ang lola mong pumunta dun sa seminar. Pero happy din naman sa kinalabasan ng seminar. Medyo malaki na ung chance ko na matanggap sa Starbucks. 2 more interviews and iyon na! And right at this moment, I am already starting to make my first draft. Well, I just hope na matatapos ko 'to before 8 pm kasi pupunta pa ako sa office para sa overnight thingy. We have to prepare kasi for tomorrow's workshop that we're gonna conduct in Laguna. Haaayyyyyyy, buhay! Sana nga lang matapos ko na talaga lahat to ngayon...Tsaka sana din matapos na 'tong semester na 'to...

Sleepless nights are just around the corner.
I haven't had a good night sleep since Monday. Exagg? Yeah, I hope so. But the thing is, this isn't an overstatement or an exaggeration.
It is the truth. Swear! Monday was the first night of the UP Fair and it was Valentine's Day. If you want to know more about this, you could check my entry for that day. Tuesday. I went to a coffee seminar in Makati. I made my paper for Eng 10 in the afternoon and at around 10 pm, I went to the office for the Laguna Escapade preparation. Time flew by and we got ourselves so busy doing some stuffs and before we knew it, it was already 3 am of February 16, a Wednesday. I took a nap at around 3:30 and at 4:30 we woke up and took a bath. We were fetched by two Kuyas from Elyon, the host school. Thejpurney to Elyon is a long and tiring four hours trip. Upon reaching the school, we were greeted by smiling and expectant faces. A smile here and a smile there was all we can do. Our afternoon was filled with fun. We conducted a workshop for the elementary and highschool students and it proved to be a successful one. By the way that was my first time to join a BASIC. We bid them goodbye at around 6pm and left Laguna for Manila. Our first stop was Molave Residence Hall and in not more than 10 minutes, we went straight to Ate Airene's and Analyn's birthday. We were just in time for the meal and so, hungry as we were, we ate almost all food on the table and left right after eating. "eat and run". Thursday. But I came across a little problem. I want to go to the concert too. I want to go to the fair again. My friends will be there and so must I. I had a paper that was due the next day and I haven't finalized it yet. I came up with a solution. I must finish my paper first before I go to the Fair. But no, instead of doing my paper, I tagged along with my friends and had myself a bottle of beer. At around 11 pm, we joined the crowd and were yelling at the top of our lungs. Kitchie Nadal was the first performer we heard and saw that night...the night was so slow and I was a bit bored and sleepy. I found it difficult to open my eyes. They seemed to be so heavy that I want to put a toothpick beneath my eye lids or put an adhesive tape on my eyes to prevent them from falling. Local bands, famous or not, entertained us ( were we entertained?). At last, at about 3:30 am we decided to call it a night (or should I say a dawn?). Just as I enter the dormitory, I headed straight to the computer and did what I should have done the night before. Thanks to God, I finished it earlier than I expected. Friday. I was still feeling sleepy to the nth level when I opened my eyes. I searched for my phone and checked the time. 7:09 am. My gosh, I was late. Actually, I was 30 minutes late when I reached our class. I sat and pretended to be attentive. We were to criticize and evaluate each other's work...I took hold of my classmate's paper and tried my best to read and understand what I was reading. But nothing was absorbed by my brain. All I think of was class dismissal. I can't take it any longer...In a minute or so, my eyes would surely fall. *yawn*

i don't wanna fall in love.
i don't wanna be like this.
i want my life before
can I please have it back once more?
i don't want this anymore.

yesterday, i am confident that it is I who rule my world
but now, i am no longer sure.
i want my life before.
can I please have it back once more?
i don't want this anymore.

i want to do things on my own.
i don't wanna be your shadow.
i want my life before.
can I please have it back once more?
i don't want this anymore.

i want to sleep and have a good time.
but your face keeps on haunting me.
i want to stay far away from you.
i want my life before.
can I please have it back once more?
i don't want this anymore.

i hate myself for feeling this way.
i hate you for making me feel this way.
but this is all i can say,
i want my life before.
can I please have it back once more?
i don't want this anymore.

at last after 3 years...
There in an unexpected place and time, I saw his face again. I had the chance to stare at those star-shaped eyes that sparkles whenever he smiles. He was standing in front of me. I knew he was saying something to me but I couldn't figure out what he was actually saying. I was so lost. My mind was lost in thought and my heart was so overwhelmed. I couldn't believe that he was actually in front of me. He continued talking to me. Yet there I was, standing and staring at him with no response or whatsoever. I couldn't find the right words to say. In the end, I was still in the same state as earlier. I couldn't bring my thoughts and voice out what I want to say. So, I left as if I was in a trance or something and kept on repeating his name and recalling our meeting... *sigh*

hay, naku..ilang days na akong di nakakapost ng entry..dami ko kasing ginagawa..next time nalang ako magpopost.